Randomness
All year long I listen to the things my family says about items they would love to have, things they need, things they don’t realize they need but really do, and I purchase them for Christmas gifts. There is nothing random about these purchases, like whatever happens to be on sale (although that’s nice when it happens). It is a purposeful, lovingly purchased shopping past-time I enjoy very much.
However, my mother, our formidable matriarch, decided she would uncomplicate Christmas gift giving in our family this year. Prior years had proved to be (in her opinion) a very haphazard, unbalanced exercise. We have a small family; some years your haul is better than others. No one thought of this as a problem. However, Mom wanted the process to be extraordinarily fair, not allowing those of us who actually enjoy gift giving any possibility for excessiveness.
She decided that a more organized approach with fewer gifts given (even though no one ever overspent or overindulged, except maybe me) was in order. In all fairness, I may over-buy. It gives me pleasure. Shame on me. I come from a generous family; we give to the local food pantry, The Nature Conservancy, the Smile Train, the NJ Symphonic Orchestra. We volunteer to clean up the environment, catch feral cats and pay to have them neutered, etc., etc. But when it comes to Christmas gifts for each other, Mom loves order (and loves reining me in). So with all family members in attendance, we met at her house last Fall to determine who buys for whom - with only one gift each. This became known as The Random Selection Convocation (RSC).
She had thought a lot about this. She is 93 and had some free time in between Hallmark Christmas movies. She plotted. She determined the perfect method for total randomness, which, for some unknown reason, was paramount. We gathered in her living room, sitting in a circle. She brought out twelve pennies, the number of people in the family, with tiny white numbered dots stuck on them. She threw all the pennies up in the air, which then scattered on the floor, randomly. We were told to pick up the penny closest to us and report our numbers. Some of the little dots fell off. She had to throw them again. And again... This was not for a list of gifters/giftees. No! It became the order in which we would choose folded slips of paper out of a bowl, inside which family member’s names were written. No one was to unfold the paper and see the name written there! Instead, we were to hand the folded paper to Mom who would record our name and the folded paper secret name. No one had the nerve to suggest simply picking names out of a hat like everyone else does. (Or letting us buy whatever we wanted - heaven forbid).
When all the slips of paper had been selected, the secret names were recorded on a single sheet of paper, which became the Official List of Gift Givers for Sole Gift Recipients (OLGGSGR), with exclusive proprietorship in Mom’s clenched hands and with which she would verify sanctioned gift giving on Christmas morning. It didn’t matter that I wouldn’t be allowed to purchase presents for my four beloved young grandkids, when I am almost as excited for them to open their gifts as they are. Or that I had already purchased special things for my kids. We had to take an oath of total compliance.
We were not quite done yet. Mom had to tell each of us individually, and in whispered tones (although she’s hard of hearing and actually shouts) the one person for whom we were allowed to purchase a Christmas gift. The four-year-old was confused. The name we had been assigned could not be divulged. We were admonished: Don’t ask the person whose name you have been given what they want for a gift. Don’t even give them eye contact. And above all, DO NOT CONSIDER giving a gift to anyone other than the name you have randomly selected!!! It DOES NOT MATTER that these are your loved ones and you enjoy giving gifts!!! Total randomness and constraint has been determined!!!
While we were exiting the Random Selection Convocation Mom threw all folded slips of paper into the fireplace to be burned. And there you have it! Merry Christmas!!!
Except during Christmas brunch at Mom’s, when we usually spend an hour and a half opening each gift lovingly, admiring it, being thankful for it, hearing squeals of delight from the little ones, there was, instead, a very subdued 10 minutes of unwrapping and then looking at each other like, okay, what are we going to do now? So we hit the mimosas hard. (And I gave my loved ones more gifts later in the day, outside of Mom’s watchful eyes).
I’m hoping that next year, at 94, our very imposing Mom won’t remember about the RSC and will not attempt to determine the OLGGSGR. And I can go back to giving my loved ones un-randomly purchased, thoughtful presents, in whatever abundance I so choose. Bah-humbug!
Does your family organize gift giving? How do you do it? I’d love to know!